


She Bleeds

by i_masshiro



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7928308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_masshiro/pseuds/i_masshiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura forgives Sasuke but struggles with the fear and pain that remains from his past betrayal – "She had run towards him all these years, ripped her chest wide open and poured out her bleeding heart for him with every confession – I love you, I love you, more than anything, so please stay with me – but each time she had failed."/ Post-Ch.699/Pre-Ch.700</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Bleeds

**Author's Note:**

> This was written/posted on November 19th, 2014 on ffnet so it was before The Last, Boruto the Movie, and Gaiden.  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto does. Also, the song lyrics at the beginning and end of the story are from the song “Lift me Up” by Mree.

* * *

  _~*~_

_The way you speak, it leaves me without words_  
_And when you're gone it makes me toss and turn_  
_You come around and make sure that it hurts_  
_You make sure that it hurts when you're away_

_~*~_

* * *

 

 

From the bottom of her heart, she loved Sasuke.

 

She knew she did on the evenings she would stop and stare forlornly at the city gates, her heart thrumming longingly for him. She knew she did on the nights she found herself alone in her room, cradling their old team photo desperately against her chest. Wishing and waiting for the day he would return —

 

_To her._

_To them_ , she immediately corrected herself, _to Team 7_. Her eyes squeezed shut as she curled tighter into herself; the sound of her shallow breathes the only thing breaking the silence of the night.

 

She never wanted to assume that she had any place in his heart.

 

Months had passed since the war had officially ended and Sasuke had thrown aside his plans of revolution and instead had begun to walk a path towards self-redemption and discovery. At first, it had been a struggle for them to reestablish a new dynamic as a team, especially with memories of past hurts and scars still fresh in their hearts. And yet Naruto’s stubborn optimism and unconditional acceptance of Sasuke back into the fold had helped ease some of the pain and awkwardness. In the few months before Sasuke would first depart on his journey, they would take their time reconnecting: sparring together, eating out at Ichiraku together, laughing together and everyday Sakura would wake up so thankful and happy to have her boys back. She was sure that now they could make up for lost time and eventually go back to the way things used to be, to the way they used to be.

 

And yet, when it was just her and Sasuke…it was different. It was peaceful and calm. She loved him dearly, and never minded his quiet nature and lack of conversational skills – “hn” and “aa” were his usual go-to responses – but every now and then she’d remember and imagine flashes of electric chakra aimed at her heart, of crazed eyes spinning angrily at her.

 

And this night she remembered. She remembered too clearly.

 

Sakura stiffened as she awoke to the crackling screech of chidori echoing in her ears – _chi chi chi_ – followed by the ghostly sensation of Sasuke’s rough hands squeezed against her throat. The image of his onyx eyes, wide and swirling with unhinged madness and fiery rage, floated into her mind. Her hands clenched the fabric of her duvet covers. She shook as her heart thundered anxiously against her ribcage and, finally, she let out a choked gasp before breaking down and sobbing, the tears rolling freely down her cheeks.

 

_Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic…_

 

Her hands fumbled in vain to wipe away the tears and mucus streaming down her face, only to muss up her face more. Her cries grew more desperate, punctuated with short gasps, coughs and sniffles. Shoulders trembling, she slammed a fist against her mattress in frustration.

 

Team 7 had made so much progress and yet these images – these nightmares – would appear in her mind, steadily growing more frequent and filling her heart with aching pain and dread at the memories.

 

But it wasn’t his betrayal that hurt the most.

 

It was that in the end – she wailed harder, wrapping her arms around herself – _she could do nothing for him._

 

In the end it was Naruto that had, blow after heavy blow, torn down the walls surrounding Sasuke’s heart. It was Naruto that had unflinchingly and without hesitation chased Sasuke to the ends of the earth – _because that was his ninja way_ – and it was Naruto that had finally reached into the murky darkness and pulled Sasuke back into the light.

 

It was Naruto that had saved him.

 

_Not her._

 

She had run towards him all these years, ripped her chest wide open and poured out her bleeding heart for him with every confession – _I love you, I love you, more than anything, so please stay with me._

And each time she had failed – _the screech of chidori rang in her ears again_ – and each time she had found herself breathlessly staggering back with rejection – _“you’re damned annoying”_ – with the realization she wasn’t enough, _her love wasn’t enough._

So that night she cried, trembling and shaking from the collapsing void she felt from emptying herself over and over for him. Choking on her tears as her heart threatened to burst from the heavy weight of her feelings for him. And it was in these moments she would think to herself – _she forgave him for everything, for everything, for everything._

~

 

Tonight she stops at the village gate – she doesn’t remember why she’s here but it’s _definitely_ not to wait for Sasuke – and watches as the sun dips below the horizon, pulling the dark drapery of the night sky and moon to hang in its place.

The seconds turn into minutes as she stands, silently observing the winking stars overhead before she realizes that _it’s cold_ and she’s shivering. She wraps her arms around herself in an effort to keep warm and to still her shivering.

 

“Sakura.”

 

Her breath hitches in her throat.

 

Tonight he comes.

 

Her fingers tighten around the fabric of her sweater and she struggles to hold back the chills giggling down her spine. His deep, rough voice sends blood rushing to her cheeks, her heart quickening with anticipation for… _for what?_

She admonishes herself for expecting anything from him. Not when she’s already decided to love him only in her heart.

 

_Silently and strongly._

 

“S-Sasuke-kun? You’re back already?” She asks, her back still towards him as she tries to keep the tone of her voice even and casual.

 

“Aa.”

 

Her grip on herself tightens as her heart thunders in response to his deep voice coming from behind her. Sasuke would always have this effect on her, send her mind racing and nerves tingling; his every word shooting waves of electricity through her veins. She squeezes her eyes shut, convinces herself to relax, and with a deep breath turns to face the source of her heartache. She attempts to muster a bright smile but her nervousness is revealed in her fiddling hands.

 

“Well, I was just taking a stroll—“

 

Sakura pauses mid-sentence as she notices Sasuke’s brow knit together incredulously at her evident discomfort and blatant lie. He observes her quietly, her cheeks glowing brighter at his intense gaze before, finally, he gives up with a gruff sigh.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his mismatched eyes leveled evenly on her jade green orbs. Her voice escapes her as he calls her out on her lie and her eyes shift downward in an effort to avoid his piercing gaze. The wind picks up and she shivers, her hands rubbing her arms in an attempt to warm herself and unconsciously shield herself from Sasuke.

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” she opens her mouth to speak but the words die in her throat and instead she is bombarded with the nightmarish images of a swirling red sharingan, pulling her into its illusion – ‘ _chi chi chi,’ cries the chidori –_ and she sucks in a sharp painful breath when she imagines Sasuke’s arm piercing into and through her torso. She envisions the blood gushing out of her and pooling at her feet. She imagines him smirk and rip his arm out of her, leaving a gaping hole, and she thinks to herself, _it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok._

_I’ll always bleed for you._

 

“Sakura?” Sasuke’s voice is hesitant and, if she didn’t know better, _concerned_. But she does know better and she takes a small step back as he takes a step towards her, a motion that is not lost on Sasuke.

 

“Sakura.” Sasuke repeats her name, his eyes narrow and this time his voice more assertive and less questioning.

 

_‘Chi chi chi,’ cries the chidori._

 

And then her worst fears are realized when she can’t handle it anymore. With one shuddering gasp the tears escape from her eyes and stream down her face. She cradles her face in her hands, shoulders shaking with cries she struggles to form into words and soon she’s on her knees, doubled over with the throbbing ache in her heart. It overflows in her chest and rises up her throat like vomit and Sakura wonders briefly if she could possibly die from loving too much and too recklessly.

 

_But I’ll always bleed for you._

 

Sasuke stands in shock at Sakura’s breakdown, his eyes wide in astonishment. This was not the chain of events he’d envisioned when he’d approached his teammate and now he was left to deal with this blubbering mess. He first muses about how _annoyingly_ emotional Sakura is but with her every choked gasp he feels his mild annoyance turn into genuine concern. Before long her broken sobs feel like knives digging into his chest and his heart constricts with worry.

 

_Could this possibly be his fault?_

 

“Sakura…”

 

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out, interrupting him mid-speech, “that I couldn’t do anything for you!”

 

_Chi chi chi…_

 

Sasuke’s eyes widen at her confession.

“I see you in my dreams,” she cries into her hands, her voice raw with emotion, “I see you piercing me with your chidori.” She pounds a fist against her chest, “straight through my heart!”

 

She flinches as Sasuke crouches down and attempts to place his hand on her shuddering shoulder. Immediately he pulls his hand back, the hurt flashing briefly in his eyes at her fearful response.

 

_Was she afraid of him?_

 

As if to answer his doubts, she lifts her head to look at him, her jade green eyes swirling with tears and her face flushed from crying.

 

“But the worst part is knowing that I tried…I tried to kill you too!”

 

She buries her face back into her hands again, suddenly ashamed to look at him.

 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles in between broken sobs and gasps. She had never meant to confess her fears and insecurities to him, at least not like this, but now that the floodgates had opened, her emotions came pouring forth like the tide. They came crashing down mercilessly upon her in heavy waves of sorrow and pain, drowning her until she was left confessing every pain in her heart.

 

“I’m sorry I gave up on you,” she blubbered, “I-I’m sorry I could n-never do anything,” a strangled cry, “d-do anything for you. I’m…”

 

_Useless._

 

Sasuke regards her silently, his throat constricting as he realizes that she was hurting for him.

 

_She always has been._

 

After a moment’s pause, he hesitantly reaches forward again and gently pulls her against him. This time, she makes no effort to break away or return the embrace and instead relaxes weakly against him, whispering her soft apologies like a prayer and listening to the steady timpani of his heart.

 

_Ba-dump…ba-dump…ba-dump…_

 

They stay this way until Sakura finally quiets down, her face buried in his chest. Sasuke feels her trembling slightly against him and shifts himself in an effort to wrap more of his tattered poncho around her.

 

_Ba-dump…ba-dump…ba-dump…_

 

“Have you calmed down?” Sasuke asks, almost patronizingly, and he looks down questioningly at the petite woman in his arm when he receives no answer. Her pink tresses are hanging over face, hiding her face and expression from his questioning gaze.

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke continues slightly exasperated, his warm breath brushing Sakura’s ear as he holds her close, “you’re—“

 

She stiffens in his arm at the thought of being called _“so annoying”_ again but he tightens his hold on her in response, as if to reassure her to let him continue.

 

“A mystery.”

 

She blinks, surprised at his choice of words, “Sasuke-ku…”

 

“Always spouting unnecessary things like ‘I love you’, ‘I love you’,” he interrupts her, his voice low and rough as if annoyed by the memory, “I always wondered exactly what about me you thought you knew and loved.”

 

Sakura’s eyes swirl with fresh tears as each of his painfully honest words come down like heavy blows. Her lips tremble and she clamps her mouth shut to hold back a whimper. Instead she lets the tears roll silently down her cheeks.

 

Sasuke feels the wetness of her tears land on his fingers, feels the gentle shake of her shoulders, but persists on continuing.

 

“And then I broke team 7 – I broke you,” his voice had lost its rough edge and had now lowered to a whisper as he thought back to their reunion in the Land of Iron, “I – the me from back then – went after you with murderous intent in my heart.”

 

Sakura’s heart throbs painfully at the memory that had been replaying in her nightmares and her fingers tighten around the fabric of his cloak.

 

“I was a monster. You looked into my eyes and saw me at my darkest,” he continues, “after my fight with Naruto, I thought you had every right to throw away your so called feelings of ‘love’ and hate me. And yet,” his grip on her tightens, “you cried for me.”

 

He pauses; swallowing a lump he hadn’t realized had risen in his throat.

 

“You shed tears for me. You loved me when I was unlovable, forgave me when I was unpardonable and I realized, ‘Aa,’…”

 

Sakura had peeled herself away from him at this point; her glistening jade green eyes meeting with his pain-stricken mismatched ones. A ghost of a smile hangs on his lips as his eyes meet hers.

 

“I realized, ‘Aa, she really does love me’.”

 

She is dumbstruck as he acknowledges her feelings and he tries to swipe away the streaks of tears on her cheeks with the pad of his thumb, his expression softening.

 

“Even now you cry tears for me.”

 

_Tears I don’t deserve._

 

He grows quiet and Sakura realizes that he wasn’t going to say any more and that he had most likely reached his speaking quota for the day. His mismatched eyes regard her tear-stained face silently and once again he’s convinced that hers is a love he would never deserve in a thousand lifetimes. How many times had he trampled on her and her feelings in an effort to push her and the rest of team 7 away from his wounded heart? How many nights like tonight had she cried because of him?

 

His eyes shine with his regret and Sakura shakes her head as if reading his intentions and trying to dispel his guilt.

 

“Sasuke-kun, I don’t hold _anything_ against you.” Her trembling had stopped and while her heart still ached with the lingering scars, she spoke boldly and clearly the one thing knew to be true with all her heart, “I love you more than _anything_.”

 

Her eyes soften, shimmering with unshed tears, and stare deeply into his.

 

“I just want to know if you forgive _me_.”

 

He blinks; utterly dumbfounded at her words. His heart constricts as he realizes how generously and unconditionally she was offering him her forgiveness. She loved him unwaveringly and selflessly, with a steadfastness and certainty that matched Naruto’s own stubbornness.

 

_Because you’re my friend!_

_Because I love you!_

The pain in his teammates’ hearts – in her heart – he understood it all now.

 

Before he could realize what he was doing, he pulls her back into his arms again – this time almost desperately – and his fingers find their way into her pink tresses as he buries his face in the crook of her neck. He wasn’t the type to show affection, but with Sakura his heart hammered loudly – painfully – as if begging him to spill his heart to her.

 

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he assures her and then pauses. His mouth moves as he whispers more words against the base of her neck and tears silently roll down Sakura’s face as she catches his words before the night breeze snatches them away.

 

_“Thank you.”_

_~x~_

The next time Sasuke departs the village, Sakura is by his side. She had approached him again, blushing and claiming that she wanted to relearn who he was and wanted him to relearn who she was well. That she loved him – _again_ – and didn’t want him to go on his road to redemption alone anymore.

 

And this time Sasuke had allowed it with his usual offhand, “hn,” where he didn’t necessarily agree – he was much too proud – but didn’t reject the idea either.

 

Some nights on their journey she would awake with a start, the image of a swirling red sharingan and the sound of crackling electricity imprinted in her dreams. And as she would lurch upright, frantically wiping away sweat and tears and struggling to catch her breath –to remind herself that _that’s not Sasuke anymore –_ she would feel an arm wrap around her and pull her into a warm embrace.

 

There would be a heavy silence – Sasuke was a man of so few words – but Sakura would find peace in his strong hold, in the sound of his breathing and the steady rhythm of his rising and falling chest.

 

_This, this is Sasuke._

 

“Was it… _me_ , again?” Sasuke broke the silence, his baritone voice a low whisper; apologetic and pained.

 

A pause until she nodded wordlessly against his chest.

 

His grip on her tightens and he buries his face into the crook of her neck, his heart thrumming with guilt and regret. He whispers soft promises to her like a lullaby; promises of protecting her, promises of never hurting her again and as she loops her arms around her neck to pull him closer, Sakura believes him.

* * *

 ~*~

_You come around and light up everything_  
_You stun me with your smile and all you bring_  
_You come around and make me wanna sing_  
_You make me wanna sing my fears away_

~*~

* * *

 


End file.
